I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

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We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

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I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

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Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

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No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

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The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

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Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

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I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

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I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

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I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

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Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.