Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.

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I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

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What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

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The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

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Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

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Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

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Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

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The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

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I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

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I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

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The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.