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Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

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The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

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Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

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Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

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And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

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Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

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I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

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Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

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Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

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I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

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No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

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When your potential is more elusive than your missing socks ๐Ÿงฆ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜‚

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