I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

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Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

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Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

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You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

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You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

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The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

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When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

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Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

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I have a yearning disability.

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To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

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An Amish party in the desert called churning man.