Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

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I want the dreams to chase me for once.

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Dance like China isn’t watching.

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If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

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Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

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Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.

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All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

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‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

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They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

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You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

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I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.