Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.