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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1830 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,992

Funny Quotes Topics

14,796

Funny Quotes Images

11,992

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Burger King implies the existence of an entire burger based feudal system.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Spotted on Facebook:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Making waves on Telegram:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Just landed via Facebook:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Going viral on YouTube:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Freshly posted on Slack:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.
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Commentary:
Running out of traditional worries, so I'm becoming a worry pioneer! 🚀🤔

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1830 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,992

Funny Quotes Topics

14,796

Funny Quotes Images

11,992

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Work is the worst video game ever.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Going viral on Facebook:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

Just landed via Twitch:

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

Trending via Reddit:

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

Trending via Pinterest:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Shared recently on Slack:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

Freshly posted on Discord:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

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