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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง has viewed:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

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People should be able to call in healthy: โ€œLook, Iโ€™m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I donโ€™t want to waste it on being at work.โ€œ

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I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

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This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

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I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

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Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks itโ€™s night time and goes to sleep.

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I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

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If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

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People who say โ€œteamwork makes the dream workโ€ are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฌ has shared:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

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Is ice cream for dinner a thing, because ice cream for dinner should be be a thing.

Is ice cream for dinner a thing, because ice cream for dinner should be be a thing.

Commentary:
Ice cream for dinner? Sign me up! Who needs adulting when you can have sprinkles for supper! ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿ˜‹๐ŸŽ‰

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