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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

That one person who has zero concept of what an indoor voice is.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1805 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,967

Funny Quotes Topics

14,772

Funny Quotes Images

11,967

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Just shared via TikTok:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

Trending via Facebook:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Going viral on Reddit:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Making waves on Slack:

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

Breaking via Facebook:

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

Live now on Snapchat:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.
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Commentary:
Time flies when you're busy doing absolutely nothing! 😂⏰🛋️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1805 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,967

Funny Quotes Topics

14,772

Funny Quotes Images

11,967

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

A selfie only a mother could like.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

Just shared via TikTok:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Seen just now on Messenger:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

Live now on TikTok:

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Trending via Threads:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Just landed via Twitch:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

Seen just now on Reddit:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

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