How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

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Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

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Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

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I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

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We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I put the hot in psychotic.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.