The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

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Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

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My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

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Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

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We hate the same people and it’s so romantic.

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Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

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People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

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Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

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Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

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Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

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That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.