If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

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I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

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I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

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It’s like ten thousand views when all you need is a like.

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You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

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I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

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You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

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Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

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Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

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Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.