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Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

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If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

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When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

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You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

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The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

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A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

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The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

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The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

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Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

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Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

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Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Commentary:
Cut the WiFi, and watch the bathroom lines clear faster than a free pizza announcement! ๐Ÿ•๐Ÿš€๐Ÿ’จ

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