If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

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I’m not old, I’m vintage.

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Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

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Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

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Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

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This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

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My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

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American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

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Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

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Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

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Every time I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere, I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.