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Life is weird and then you die.

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Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

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I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

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Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

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I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

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Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

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I donโ€™t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

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Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

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My talents are so hidden that I canโ€™t even find them.

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Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

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Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

Commentary:
Running on stress and iced coffee is the new balanced diet! ๐Ÿƒโ€โ™€๏ธโ˜•๏ธ๐Ÿ˜…

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