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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Family guy is so insane, because why were people dating that dog?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Blocking me is like blocking the sun, the moon and the stars.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1834 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,996

Funny Quotes Topics

14,796

Funny Quotes Images

11,996

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Just landed via Twitch:

Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

Trending via Pinterest:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Reported on Snapchat:

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

Just landed via Twitch:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Going viral on YouTube:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

Making waves on Reddit:

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I have a yearning disability.

Going viral on Facebook:

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

22 hours ago

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When you're trying hard to roll your eyes, but empathy sneaks in with a bear hug 😂🤦‍♂️💁‍♀️

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Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Spotted on X:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

Trending via Threads:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

Spotted on Reddit:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

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Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

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Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

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