Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.