“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

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Problematic bed time gap relationship.

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I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

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I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

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Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

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Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

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Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

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A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

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I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

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If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

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Everyone’s an expert after the fact.