Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.