I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

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I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

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When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

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Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

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My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

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I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

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People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

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Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

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I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?