Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

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Taking off my house pajamas to put on my errands pajamas.

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Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

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The word “misread” can be misread as “misread.”

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God saw you do that.

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I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

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Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.