I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.