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Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

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Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

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True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

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Donโ€™t flirt with me. Iโ€™ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

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Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

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I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

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Everyone says โ€œDo what makes you happyโ€, until you push them down the stairs.

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Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

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No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

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A selfie only a mother could like.

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This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

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Just when you think you've reached the end of the bullshit, another chapter drops ๐Ÿ‚๐Ÿ“–๐Ÿ”„๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™‚๏ธ

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