My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.