I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.