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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying β€œwe miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has downloaded:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has shared:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡» has downloaded:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡· has copied:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has shared:

β€œI’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡° has shared:

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡± has copied:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΅ has copied:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡³ has downloaded:

β€œAnd on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

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1845 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,007

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14,803

Funny Quotes Images

12,007

Updated

38 seconds ago

Users Online

3,440

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Broadcasted on Slack:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Just landed via Snapchat:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

Just landed via YouTube:

This meeting could have been a pajama party.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Breaking via YouTube:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

Reported on TikTok:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Just landed via X:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?
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Commentary:
Maybe bothβ€”I think I reached the age where I roll my eyes more than I roll out of bed! πŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈπŸ›ŒπŸ˜„

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Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

1845 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,007

Funny Quotes Topics

14,803

Funny Quotes Images

12,007

Updated

38 seconds ago

Users Online

3,448

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡­ has viewed:

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡― has downloaded:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡· has viewed:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡² has shared:

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

Someone from πŸ‡ΌπŸ‡Έ has copied:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡· has copied:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Someone from πŸ‡΄πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on Facebook:

Is β€˜ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

Live now on Discord:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

Spotted on Reddit:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Reported on Twitch:

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Reported on Reddit:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Live now on Threads:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Just landed via X:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

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