I love when someone texts “hey,” like I’m supposed to solve the rest.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Mike is short for Micycle.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

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I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

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A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.