Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

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My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

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Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

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Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

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I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

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Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

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Oops, I think I’ve had a little too much to think.

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I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

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My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

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There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

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In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.