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I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

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Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

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I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

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Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

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The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

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I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

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Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

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I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

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Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

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Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.