Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I like to push myself out of my comfort zone by sometimes sitting on the other end of my sofa.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.