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Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

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If you see me looking zoned out, itโ€™s because Iโ€™m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

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Hey girl, do you like my signals? I mixed them myself.

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20โ€™s: what even is a hangover? 40โ€™s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

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Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

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My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

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I donโ€™t wanna party like itโ€™s 1999, I want to pay my bills like itโ€™s 1999.

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The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

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Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme casual attire.

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You say โ€œmultitaskโ€ like itโ€™s a good thing.

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There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Commentary:
Napping: the only sport where everyone's goal is to go "unconscious," but sometimes your brain throws the game! ๐Ÿ’ค๐Ÿ˜ด๐Ÿค”

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