I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

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The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

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I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

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Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

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Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

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Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

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For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

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Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

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There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

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Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

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Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.