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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

We decided to have money instead of children.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1944 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,106

Funny Quotes Topics

14,880

Funny Quotes Images

12,106

Updated

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Users Online

3,458

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

Just landed via Messenger:

Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

Shared recently on Threads:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Live now on X:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Spotted on Snapchat:

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

Just shared via Instagram:

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Reported on Snapchat:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Live now on Discord:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

9 hours ago

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Commentary:
When you turn your prayers into 'Find My Device' 😂🙏🎧

AirPod, AirPods, am, dropped, everyday, everyday problem, everything, frustration, God, help, humor, i, item, lost, lost item, me, only, please, prayer, problem, technology, where

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Reported on Telegram:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Going viral on Threads:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Just landed via WeChat:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Going viral on X:

Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

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Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

I’m going to hell in every religion.

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Gutted to report that spending a day offline, touching grass with my friends, was phenomenal for my mental health.

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

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Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

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