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Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

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Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

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I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

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There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

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Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

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I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

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I dare you to try and be more single than me.

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Unpopular opinion: I do enjoy third-wheeling if the couple is fun.

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Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

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Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

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Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

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When dinosaurs RSVP "absolutely not" to coverage! ๐Ÿฆ–๐Ÿ“ž๐Ÿคข



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