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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

1 hour ago

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Trending via Discord:

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

Trending via Facebook:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Making waves on Messenger:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

Live now on Reddit:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Broadcasted on TikTok:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Work for a living? In this economy?

Making waves on Pinterest:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Broadcasted on Instagram:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

20 hours ago

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

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Commentary:
Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting! 🛋️🥃😄

adulthood, bourbon, comfort, couch, drink, homebody, humor, maturing, relaxation

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

1 hour ago

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

Just shared via TikTok:

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

Spotted on Telegram:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Making waves on Slack:

Those who run away from me are afraid that they might confess their love to me.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Reported on Pinterest:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Spotted on Slack:

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

Just landed via Reddit:

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Trending via Snapchat:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

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