My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

If cats could send Christmas cards, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.