Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

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I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

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The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

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I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

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It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

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My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

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Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

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All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

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Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

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I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

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I am convinced that at least half of you are bots.