“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.