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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Very difficult being a full grown adult with a terrible fear of being “in trouble”.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

How is it still this week?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

96 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,690

Funny Quotes Topics

16,895

Funny Quotes Images

14,690

Updated

Dec 1, 2025

Users Online

4,004

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Trending via Discord:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Trending via Instagram:

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

Live now on Facebook:

No matter how messed up your situation is, someone on Reddit’s already lived it, cried about it, and made a 3-part update with screenshots and farmed 12k upvotes.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m just trying to have a nice time despite knowing facts and information.

Seen just now on X:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Spotted on Threads:

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

17 hours ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like he's really mastered the art of moderate moderation! 🚬😂🌿

daily, daily habit, fine, guy, habit, humor, i, moderation, smoking, think, weed

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Spotted on WeChat:

If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Just shared via Pinterest:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Hell, yes, I work out. Somebody has to support the ibuprofen industry.

Breaking via X:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

Live now on TikTok:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

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Activity Log ✨

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

Pizza crusts go uneaten, but people will devour an entire pan of breadsticks.

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

I have the sex drive of a potato.

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

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Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

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