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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

96 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,690

Funny Quotes Topics

16,895

Funny Quotes Images

14,690

Updated

Dec 1, 2025

Users Online

4,049

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I made you snort laugh, so we’re going out, right?

Trending via TikTok:

Difference between a flirt and harassment: if you are handsome, it’s a flirt, if you are ugly, it’s harassment.

Going bananas on Slack:

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

“Just be yourself”—that has gotten me mixed results in the past.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

Going viral on Messenger:

The most incredible thing about James Bond is the way he can walk into any hotel room and immediately know how to use the shower.

Going viral on X:

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

Live now on Instagram:

Why socialize when you could party inside your room with your 10+ personalities?

Just shared via Discord:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Making waves on WeChat:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

17 hours ago

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Commentary:
Looks like he's mastering the lost art of waiting! Next, he'll be sending messages by pigeon 🕊️📜😂

1980s, 3, advice, ancient, ancient scrolls, communication, dating, dating advice, days, exactly, guy, humor, me, scrolls, studying, text, texting, waiting

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Just shared via Facebook:

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

Shared recently on Discord:

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

Spotted on Slack:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Trending via Discord:

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

Trending via Telegram:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

Going viral on Messenger:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

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Activity Log ✨

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

I’ve noticed that when young people now talk about “old people”, they mean me.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

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A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

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