There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

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Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

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That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

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I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

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Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

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People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

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Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

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I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

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I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

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I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

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“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.