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Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Havenโ€™t tried it myself but seems really popular.

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Forgot how fun it is to post IG stories. I feel like a female filmmaker.

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“Canโ€™t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

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I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

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Iโ€™m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

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Just once, Iโ€™d love to underthink a situation.

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Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

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Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

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Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know whoโ€™s the boss.

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A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

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People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

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When your neighbor's tree accidentally becomes the neighborhood's holiday beacon ๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŒŸ๐Ÿ˜‚



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