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10,000+ funny quotes

5 days ago
Share →: Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.
5 days ago
Share →: My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.
5 days ago
Share →: The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.
5 days ago
Share →: I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”
5 days ago
Share →: Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.
5 days ago
Share →: Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.
5 days ago
Share →: If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.
5 days ago
Share →: If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.
5 days ago
Share →: Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.
5 days ago
Share →: Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.
5 days ago
Share →: I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”
5 days ago
Share →: It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.
6 days ago
Share →: Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.
6 days ago
Share →: Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.
6 days ago
Share →: A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.
6 days ago
Share →: Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.
6 days ago
Share →: If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.
6 days ago
Share →: Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.
6 days ago
Share →: Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.
6 days ago
Share →: In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.
6 days ago
Share →: The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.
6 days ago
Share →: The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.
6 days ago
Share →: The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.
6 days ago
Share →: Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.
6 days ago
Share →: The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.
6 days ago
Share →: Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.
7 days ago
Share →: Women are like apples; I like biting them.
7 days ago
Share →: Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.
7 days ago
Share →: The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.
7 days ago
Share →: I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.