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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,554

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

Live now on Telegram:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Spotted on YouTube:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Making waves on Discord:

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

Making waves on Instagram:

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Trending via Twitch:

I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, living within your means is so last season 💁‍♀️ Who needs a budget when you have an imagination bursting with creative ways to spend money you don't have? 💸✨ Someone pass the glitter, we're about to DIY our way to financial freedom! 🌈✂️ #ImaginationsUnite"

advice, creativity, financial, financial advice, humor, imagination, lifestyle, means, wit

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

97 shares on X this month:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,362

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

Making waves on Discord:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Shared recently on Instagram:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

Just landed via Telegram:

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Just shared via Discord:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

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