Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,932

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Spotted on TikTok:

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

Spotted on Facebook:

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Spotted on Twitch:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Spreading quickly via X:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Spotted on Threads:

“Male loneliness epidemic” and it’s just karma and the consequences of their actions.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

Seen just now on TikTok:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Fashionably late to the office—because clocks are just a suggestion! ⏰😅✌️

arrival, attitude, being, being late, came, humor, i, late, least, management, never, punctuality, serious, should, time, time management, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

0

2 months ago

boulder, comparison, frustration, humor, media, myth, persistence, Sisyphus, social, social media, Twitter, using
When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

0

2 months ago

ambition, career, election, going, humor, i, joke, office, politics, retire, retirement, run
Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

0

2 months ago

balance, before, care, cycle, education, good, health, humor, idea, life, mental, mental cycle, mental health, putting, self, self-care, stress, student, student life
People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

0

2 months ago

advice, do it, expectations, humor, irony, life, life advice, people, right, right way, wrong, wrong way
Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

0

2 months ago

breakup, commitment, dating, ex girlfriend, forever, girlfriend, humor, love, relationship, temporary
Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

0

2 months ago

before, checkout, checkout line, everyone, experience, filled, frustration, humor, life, line, mine, never, people, picking, shopping, talent

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

86 shares on Discord this month:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

79 shares on Threads this month:

It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Why socialize when you could party inside your room with your 10+ personalities?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I firmly believe that at this point my guardian angel is just eating popcorn and watching the drama.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Just landed via Slack:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Girls Just Want To Have Naan

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Live now on Pinterest:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

Just landed via Instagram:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

That urge to nap between 3 p.m. – 5 p.m. is no joke.

Just landed via X:

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨