Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

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Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

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I really don’t believe all of these women are actually named “Sassy”

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Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

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I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

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My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

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Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.