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Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

This coffee is not coffeeing the way I need it to be coffeeing.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

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Just landed via Pinterest:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

Going viral on X:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

Making waves on Twitch:

A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

Breaking via Facebook:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

Spotted on Twitch:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about donut judgment, highlighting playful, flawed logic in a witty way.

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Commentary:
Donut worry, I'm just ensuring future me sticks to the diet plan! 🍩😅 #StrategicEating

donut, donuts, eating, food, humor, keep, logic, me, rest, snack, tomorrow

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72 shares on X this month:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

98 shares on X this month:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

90 shares on Discord this month:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

31 shares on Threads this month:

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Twitter is an abusement park.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Just shared via YouTube:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Just landed via Telegram:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Going viral on Threads:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Making waves on Reddit:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

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Activity Log ✨

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

The prettier you are, the weirder it gets.

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

The prettier you are, the weirder it gets.

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

On a first date, saying “agree to disagree” every time they share anything about themselves.

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