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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,250

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Shared recently on TikTok:

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

Shared recently on Discord:

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Breaking via Instagram:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Making waves on Pinterest:

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

Breaking via Threads:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Trending via YouTube:

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

Seen just now on Slack:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Live now on Reddit:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

Just shared via YouTube:

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the humble water tower – the silent overlord of town nomenclature! 🏰💧 It's like they're just daring you to forget their existence by plastering the town's name in giant letters, towering above all else. 😄 Next time you drive through a small town, remember to give a nod to the unsung hero, the water tower, without whom the town would just be… well, unnamed! 🚗🌆"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Facebook this month:

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

50 shares on Threads this month:

Adulting looked way more affordable in the 90’s. I feel scammed.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you said w00t for the last time, and didn’t even realize.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,479

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Shared recently on Twitch:

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

Spotted on TikTok:

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

Freshly posted on Discord:

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Seen just now on X:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

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