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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Netflix subtitles be like “speaking foreign language”. Bro, translate it!

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,460

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

My body looks like I have a great personality.

Just shared via Facebook:

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

There aren’t any emojis that really express any meaningful sort of anguish.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Making waves on YouTube:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

Seen just now on Instagram:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

Going viral on Slack:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Just shared via Telegram:

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.
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Commentary:
"Food and sex – two irresistible temptations in life! 💋🍔 Just like how even the most unappetizing meal starts to seem appealing when you haven't eaten, sometimes a little deprivation can make everything seem enticing. Bon appétit or bon amour, embrace the cravings in moderation! 😉"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Facebook this month:

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

51 shares on Discord this month:

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

40 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

41 shares on Twitch this month:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

89 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

72 shares on Discord this month:

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

24 shares on X this month:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now!

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,647

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

Freshly posted on X:

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

Trending via Reddit:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Going viral on Slack:

Time needs a speed limit.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Just shared via YouTube:

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

Trending via Discord:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

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