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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,480

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

If we were subway rats, I’d share my pizza crust with you.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

Trending via WhatsApp:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Just landed via Twitch:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

Spotted on YouTube:

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

Just shared via YouTube:

You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

Making waves on Instagram:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Just landed via Instagram:

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

18 Funny 9 quotes

More funny 9 quotes 👇

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

1 week ago

9, am, ambition, billionaire, comedy, humor, i, management, Monday, motivation, please, success, time, time management, urgency, urgent
Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

1 week ago

5, 9, 9 to 5, cosmic, daily, daily grind, floating, grind, humor, irony, reasonable, rock, sounds, space, work
Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

1 week ago

9, cloud, cloud 9, expectations, fall, high, high place, humor, irony, life, perspective, place
My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

3 weeks ago

9, company, CV, exaggeration, good, humor, job, job search, months, nine, nine months, reading, resume, search, still
They say 30 is the new 20, and 40 the new 30. All I know is 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

3 weeks ago

20, 30, 40, 9, age, bedtime, humor, i, know, lifestyle, midnight, new, night, party, say, time
“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

3 weeks ago

9, 9 a.m., a.m., am, dislike, humor, Monday, morning, person, relatable, start, start of week, tired, week, work
Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

3 weeks ago

9, communication, hours, humor, leave, money, patience, read, relationship, texting
Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

3 weeks ago

9, hour, hours, humor, invent, invention, late, late night, midnight, night, please, someone, time, wish

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All funny 9 quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on X this month:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

24 shares on Slack this month:

I miss when YouTubers would just record for, like, 20 minutes, and upload the whole thing completely unedited.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

You can generate images with your mind whenever you want. You don’t even need AI.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

48 shares on Facebook this month:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

If he doesn’t like your fruit puns, you need to let that mango.

60 shares on Slack this month:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

27 shares on Discord this month:

Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

Just landed via TikTok:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

Live now on Slack:

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

Just landed via Slack:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Spotted on Telegram:

At least life has music.

Making waves on Reddit:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Activity Log ✨

18 Funny 9 quotes

More funny 9 quotes 👇

All funny 9 quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨